Crossroads

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I’ve been having a bit of a bloggy crisis of late. Actually, I’ve been working my way through one of those “Damn, I’m not the person I thought I was, so who the hell am I and where the hell do I go from here” episodes and the resultant tsunami has triggered concurrent crises of varying magnitudes in a range of domains. I suspect the bloggy crisis is part of this shock-wave. Whatever.

Fact is I’m at a crossroads:

To blog or not to blog, this is the question.

Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous self-criticism

Or to take arms against a sea of dissatisfaction

And by quitting, end them. To write to vent –

No more – and by a vent to say we end

The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks

That the mother’s brain is heir to. ‘Tis a consummation

Unlikely to be met. To quit, to sleep –

To sleep – perchance to dream: ay there’s the rub,

For in that sleep of the quitter what dreams may come

When there is no place for all the ideas to go,

Must give us pause. And the difference

Between blogging and writing makes calamity of a need to write…

Yeah, yeah, the Hamlet thing was getting lame, but you get the idea, yes?

I started this blog nearly a year ago for a couple of reasons – 1. To write; 2. To have a space to vent; 3. To get myself ‘out there’, you know, have my stuff read, adored, develop a cult following, become Mrs Woog or the NDM or someone equally magnificent, get book contracts thrown at me, publishers falling at my feet, my career as a world-by-storm writer secured… Ugh… whatever.

But I feel like my blog is amounting to nothing more than a big fat winge about my life, motherhood and the little poo machines I have given birth to. And I don’t like it. It’s not satisfying my need to write because it only ever feels like piece-meal. I want to get onto some of the big projects that have been burning at me for a REALLY. BLOODY. LONG. TIME… not to mention the thousand other projects on my absurd To Do list.

My argument for blogging was that it was something I could do in an hour here and there (I find big stuff almost impossible to write in this manner), so it would satisfy my creative urges without taking up my life. I like I need long stretches of silence and endless glasses of wine cups of tea to lose myself in the world of my creation so that the characters may take hold of their own destinies. And that’s fucking impossible a rare occurrence with Little Lions and Blossoms in da house, as we all know.

But blogging, as it has turned out, is taking considerably longer than an hour here or there and my creative urges are screaming louder than they were before I gave them a taste of freedom. Sure, the draft of a post is smashed out lickety-split, but then you edit it once or twice, you send it out through the universe, you wonder if anyone’s read it, you check your comments eighteen times a day, you log onto every other blog known to man to read (which I LOVE doing, mind you – what better excuse for some down time and damned good reading under the guise of ‘blogging’),you comment, you kiss the metaphoric babies and you press the cyber palms in the hope that someone will hop over to your place to have a read, they will love you and share you with all their friends… hmm, that went in an unexpected direction. Oops.

Anyway, before you know it, you could have written a Mills & Boon in the time you’ve spent belly aching about your latest public rant, your most recent airing of your dirty laundry, your up-to-the-hour personal expose.

I know blogging is writing (and any writing is better than no writing, of this I am sure) but I don’t know if it’s the kind of writing I want to be doing, at least not exclusively. And I don’t know how to fix it, this stupid, dissatisfied nagging in my gut. It’s killing me!

So, what to do? Do I quit the blogosphere and dedicate my thoughts to those big projects bashing in my brain? Do I redefine my blog and make it something more, um, I don’t know, meaningful? Do I go half way and only post once a fortnight/month and spend the rest of my time learning how to write big stuff in little bits? Do I just get over the belly aching and cyber-loving and get disciplined – 1 hour writing (no editing), 1 hour reading/commenting (for fun) and actually pay some attention to my other projects kids for a change? I don’t know…

And am I the only one? Has anyone else had bloggy burnout – a blog that takes over their world without giving a real sense of satisfaction? And what did you do?

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6 responses »

  1. Okay, this is my opinion… Doesn’t mean I’m write (LOL right) or wrong, just my thoughts from someone who knows a little about you.

    I like reading your blogs when I actually get the time. Sometimes it makes me chuckle, sometimes it makes me realise I’m not the only one who feels like their two kids are making them have a meltdown, sometimes I just get to learn a little more about you and what’s going on in your life. Everyone has busy schedules these days and even when we do catch up, you don’t really get to have D&M’s with a few kids under 3 in the mix!

    In saying that, I think maybe concentrating on some other things for now. I think you’re the type of person who likes to have lots on the go, but, quality time with 2 children (and possibly more down the track), a house undertaking renovations, chickens, gardening, groceries, cooking, cleaning, exercise, facebook, emails (checking other people’s blogs), 5 minutes of peace (WHAT’S THAT????) and any future writing of books you might just need to cull back a bit on your list of things.

    We all have such busy lives these day, part of me wants to simplify my life a little by throwing the iPhone and closing down my facebook account, unsubscribing to unecessary websites and buying a paper shredder to help with the loads of junk paper I have stacked around the house. So if not blogging for now or ever again is your way of simplifying your life a little I say go for it.

    Sorry about the blah blah blah!!!!!!!!!!

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  2. I had to go off and think about this for a bit. Your posts often have that effect on me 😉 and at the end of it all I think you have to think about what YOU want out of blogging and it has to be more than worrying about the external stuff you can’t control. I write what I like to write about on mine and have learned thru experience that I have to be happy with what I’ve written and to let go whether or not people respond or they don’t. I think it sounds like you have lots else going on, maybe that should be your priority for now. The blog you can always return to. I promise to be here when you do x

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  3. I love your blogs… I can just never respond as eloquently as I’d like!

    Do what you gotta do gorgeous! Do what YOU love!

    🙂

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  4. TAke the time to reflect about why you blog and if it still makes you happy. If it doesn’t anymore then maybe it’s time to move on. If it still does then make the time. Redefine it according to what/how you want it to be. Mine is constantly evolving.

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  5. Nadine, I say get over yourself! In the nicest possible way of course. Go easier on yourself. Write, blog, garden, wipe pooey bums- your cherubs are cherubs for such a short short time, the words are hovering around forever. I don’t understand why you see it as a blog or not situation, why can’t you do both? They way I figure it- if I weren’t blogging my daily blah blah blah (and not writing a Mills and Boon) I’d be writing it in emails which I did before I started the blog, so this is much much quicker and much more painless. Kind of. In a few short years the cherubs will be at school and you’ll have at least 5 hours a day to yourself to devote to your plotlines and characters. For now you’re making my life immeasurably brighter when I see you’ve left a comment, or better still, written a friggin funny post. Love ya work…

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  6. I say this from one aspiring author to another.

    I have felt much the same way. I used to sweat through the day waiting for a comment, just a sign that someone out there was reading my blog. Then I decided to throw it all in which…um… lasted all of a couple of weeks. When I started blogging again I had one of those ‘moments of truths’ – I want to blog, to write, for me and for me only.

    Sure it is great to develop a following and have lovey comments but in the end that’s not what it is about for me and I’m sure that is not what it is about for a lot of those ‘successful bloggers’, it is merely a perk.

    Since taking this point of view, my writing has improved, my brain is less clouded and my blog actually has some followers.

    I actually have more time now to figure out what it is I write for and have started writing my first work of fiction. I feel exhilarated.

    Nadine what you need to do is stop, take a breath and start again, this time blogging because you want to. Not for others comments, not to become a blogging megastar and not to become consumed by it all.

    You are a great writer, have beautiful passion, fire and truth. And I enjoy your blog so there! 🙂

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