Life is a bit of a Shite-Fite at the moment, so remaining functional is all about ticking off lists. Lists like:
1. Get up.
2. Put on clothes.
3. Make breakfast.
4. Make sure kids eat breakfast.
5. Figure out what to put on the next list.
Inane stuff, really, but helpful when you tend to find yourself in a flap at 10 am because you are still in your pyjamas and the kids are screaming blue murder due to boredom and starvation. So in honour of The List, I am going to give you another countdown:
The Top 10 Things I Have Learned About Myself in the Last 2 Weeks.
Buckle your seatbelts – this is earth-shattering stuff!
10 – I can eat a whole packet of hot cross buns without realising that I am doing it.
9 – I am still capable of creating all manner of things out of toilet rolls (the latest achievement was a rocket ship), even if my creativity is so catatonic that I have to resort to top 10 lists for my blog posts.
8 – I now know why the word ‘sweet’ has always made be cringe and shudder, much like the generic response to finger nails down a blackboard. (Reason to be revealed in some future post, I am sure).
7 – I find asking for help more difficult than I previously thought. Paralysingly difficult, in fact.
6 – I am nobody’s friend at 4am, especially if you are a small child crying because you are sick and teething. I am sorry, but compassion does not live here at 4am. I have bigger fish to fry.
5 – I am capable of feeling extreme guilt at the same time as feeling #6.
4 – When placed under extreme stress, I suffer from Exercise-Induced Meltdown, a condition where, should the sufferer make the mistake of thinking a brisk walk or light jog will help restore serenity, he/she will instead find themself pounding the pavement sobbing and heaving like a lost child, main road or not.
3 – I now know why I hate people putting pressure on my shoulders (again, the reason is sure to come out in some future post, but does not belong here).
2 – I am weaker and more fragile than I ever thought possible.
1 – I am stronger and more resilient than I ever thought possible.
It’s been a big couple of weeks…