Last week went something like this:
I cleaned up the cubby house while The Lion poured sand over his sister’s head to distract her from all manner of garden materials she was eating. Mr D had a huge week at work planned, so I was all hands on deck for dinner and bedtime and damned if I didn’t do a fine job of it on Monday night.
But then Tuesday came with my first period since Blossom showed up… I should have known the day was going to get ugly, but I went to playgroup at the park anyway (despite the gale-force, furnace blast of a wind). I lost my phone long enough to put me in a mood that could not tolerate LL’s constant nagging and inane questions. So, when his winging became too much, I threw both kids back in the car and cried all the way home (there’s nothing quite like a toddler shouting at you to shoosh when you’re feeling down – got to love that compassion).
LL spent the day thwarting ALL his sister’s attempts at sleep and whining that he was a baby in need of boobie, Blossom’s sachets of mush, and being carried around in the Ergo (he’s 14kg and I was in no mood to get all ‘attachment parenting’ with him, sorry). Blossom spent the day grizzly due to lack of sleep and attention. Dinner time saw me sprayed in stereo by kids who thought ‘Bolognese Raspberries’ was the best dinner time game ever invented, so being the solo all hands on deck again, I went for bath time early.
They splashed the majority of the bath water on me and when Blossom became suspiciously still and silent, LL suddenly announced that he was swimming, dove headlong into the water and jammed his feet fair up Blossom’s bits. This would have been a problem even if Blossom hadn’t just smeared a giant turd along the wall of the bath – the very same turd that became LL’s toe jam.
Bath time over.
Blossom was placed on the mat (where she finished the poo she’d started in the bath, before her brother rudely interrupted her) and I fought with LL over the right to clean the shit from the tub.
Bed time (remembering that Blossom was desperate for sleep) saw me drag the two of them outside for a walk in utter frustration at 7.00pm because Blossom needed to sort her digestive problems out (before I sorted them out for her)and LL was running laps of the hallway, screaming AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
When Mr D came home at 8.30, Blossom was still sorting out digestive issues and I was tucking into my second glass of bubbles in an attempt to lighten the mood.
Then Wednesday came, cold and grey, and began at 5.45am with LL shouting that he wanted yoghurt (WTF?). After getting up every 2hrs through the night to Blossom, I was in no mood to be woken, much less shouted at. But, being the mother earth that I am, I silently rose, gave the Lion his yoghurt and went back to sleep on the couch. For 10 minutes until he started picking my nose.
During preparations for daycare (I luuuurve Wednesdays and I don’t care if that makes me a bad mother), I discovered that both LL and Blossom were sporting a blotchy, pimple-like rash around the nappy region, on the feet and on the hands, but in the absence of symptoms around the mouth, fever or any other signs of dread disease, I rang The Magnificent Mrs L and asked if she would be ok with having LL anyway. Bless the woman’s soul, she thought nothing of it (especially since it was only going to be two of them)!
So, I left the Lion with TMML, Blossom with Grandpa G (while poor Nanna H was in bed dying of a sinus headache, ear infection and pain/drug/illness-induced nausea), and I went home to clean like no man’s business. Who would have though chores could be so satisfying?
Alas, upon bringing the kids home, I discovered a massive ulcer in LL’s mouth, he ate no dinner, drank no smoothie , no ice block could entice him. He sported a 38C temperature and all signs pointed to Fucking Hand Foot and Mouth Disease. Again.
He fussed and shouted and pretended to be a dog for over an hour at bed time and by 8pm I had finished the bubbles from the night before and was working on a little Southern Comfort.
The rest of the week was thus:
No more days with TMML 😦
Cranky Mr Lion-Blotch and little sister Blossom-Blotchette.
No kids eating, much kids whining, even more Mummy-trying-to-entice-with-bite-sized-morsels-of-every-treat-known-to-kids. And failing.
Mr D cranky that he was at work. Still. Again. Until 10.30pm. After a 6am start. Again.
I drank Bourbon and Dry in the absence of Scotch.
Amen to a new week this week!